Tuesday, 4 April 2017

I am made in Africa!
I love it when I go for long calls near tall trees.
then wipe my buttocks with a bunch of huge leaves.

I am made in Africa!
I love it when I urinate at the back of my hut
especially when dawn cracks and in the middle of the night.

I am made in Africa!
I love it when I seduce a woman from a sugar cane plantation.....
when I suckle her pawpaw breasts as she sighs with affection.

I, am made, in Africa!
I love it when I lick my after eating.
I don't take meals with spoons - at home or in meetings.

Yes! I am made, in Africa!
I do not like it when I wash my hands after a feast.
I like it when I wipe them with my tongue - it's sweet.

I am made in Africa
I love it when my poems have raw words.
I love it when I call things by their real names. 

Thursday, 30 March 2017

Gaudencia has bought me a castle
it's floor has marbled tiles
she says that I'm too young to hustle
she has given me pounds in piles.

Even if I am young and she's old
and her mouth has been left with one tooth
her heart is as pure as gold
when I kiss her, her wrinkles become smooth.

Gaudencia has bought me a vehicle
she said she'll teach how to drive
she said that I make her feel special
I'm her bee and her centre is my hive

even if her head is bald
and hair has grown in her nose
I will still introduce her to my dad
I'll tell him that "this is my rose"

Gaudencia has bought me a ring
she said that she also has a gun
that any girl who comes close to me
will indeed have nowhere to run

Every if her breasts have shrunk
and her buttocks are tinier than my fist
in her ocean my heart has sunk
I'm the meal she loves to feast 

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

before you stone me to death..
before I kick the air and gasp for my last breath...
I beg you to listen to my confession.

I am not the one who slept with Chebet.
Chebet is the one who slept with me.
She called me to her house to renovate her bed,
then stripped herself naked and said "what do you see?"

what I first saw was the centre of a woman.
my manhood then erected because I'm also human.
Chebet didn't tell me that indeed she's married.
she just told me to climb her and so I humbly hurried.

before you skirt my neck with a tyre,
and burn my body to pyre,
I beseech you to listen to my confession.

if a woman like Chebet strips naked,
as a man, will you close your eyes?
will you tell her  "woman, I'm taken!"
or will you say "mbu!!! you look nice"

I am not the one who confused Chebet.
Chebet is the one who confused me.
she buried my scrotum in the center of her palm
and said that she wants to be beaten like a drum.

I am innocent. 

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Rumour has it that any time when I travel to the city,
Akoth, my long time wife, usually do things that are fishy.
that there's a man she's been sleeping with in my bed
who's been eating my slices of bread.

I'll therefore travel to the village in the morning,
then storm into the house without knocking.
If I'll find the man sleeping with my Akoth
I will grab a sharp dagger and stub them both.

Rumour has it that my children are not even mine.
that - one looks like our pastor when he yawns
while other one resembles our cowboy in the nose.
one looks like our which doctor when he cries
While the other one looks like my brother when he smiles.

I therefore went to the doctor today.
and he said that I'm totally impotent.
I then held my manhood in dismay....
and wondered why Akoth has soiled me with shame.

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

If I'll go to the job interview tomorrow,
I will not wear my long dress.
If I try to put on my long dress,
The employer will not get impressed.

I will therefore wear a short skirt
And while sitting,
I'll put my legs apart.
If he frowns and asks me "woman what do you really want?"
I will quickly grab his manhood and insert it in my cunt.

When I go to the job interview tomorrow,
I will not even carry my certificate.
If I carry any of my certificates,
I'll be in trouble - for none is legitimate

I will therefore carry my beauty,
In my fake fleshy breasts and my booty.
And I'll not be kept for long at the reception.
Like others who have higher qualifications.

When I get to the job interview tomorrow,
And the employer happens to be a woman,
I will start by picking up a quarrel.
And claim that the woman wants trouble.

I will say that she called me a harlot,
That I speak as if I'm a parrot.
I'll then remove my attire
And make people say "What a quagmire!!"

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